Solution to the Energy Crisis: Stop the Algae, Harness Hot Flashes!

By Peg Luksik
4/24/2012
Catholic Online (www.catholic.org)

Well, I am taking this opportunity to announce that I have solved the energy crisis

I have listened with great interest to the debate surrounding the energy situation. If I understand the concerns of the environmentalists correctly, they are looking for an energy source that is completely renewable, does not affect the natural habitats of any place on earth, and is available to everyone equally. Well, I am taking this opportunity to announce that I have solved the energy crisis. All we need to do is capture the energy that comes from hot flashes.

Given the enthusiasm that Washington has shown for algae, I'm sure they will jump at this new, and better, opportunity.

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HARRISBURG, PA. (Catholic Online) - I have listened with great interest to the debate surrounding the energy situation. If I understand the concerns of the environmentalists correctly, they are looking for an energy source that is completely renewable, does not affect the natural habitats of any place on earth, and is available to everyone equally.

Well, I am taking this opportunity to announce that I have solved the energy crisis.

All we need to do is capture the energy that comes from hot flashes.

It is completely renewable. There will always be women who are having them. In fact, nothing needs to be done to ensure that this situation continues indefinitely. We never need to worry about running out of women having hot flashes.

It does not affect the natural habitat of any place on earth. They do not need anyone to drill for them, or pump for them, or grow them. They naturally exist in an openly available form. And, other than the woman experiencing the flash, they have not been known to affect the environment in the area where the hot flash is occurring.

They are available to everyone. If there is a place where energy is needed for human endeavors, it is a sure bet that there are already women present. And since women naturally produce this energy form for several years, it should not require any government activity to ensure that the energy is available everywhere.

It does not have any of the complications of solar energy or wind energy. Solar energy needs the sun, so cloudy days and all nights are a problem. Wind energy needs the wind to actually blow with enough strength to make the wind turbines turn, so calm days are a problem. But hot flashes naturally occur at all hours of the day and night, and they don't require any wind conditions. They are always available as an energy source, especially with so many women producing them.

Now, there are a few technical issues to work through.

We will need to develop a mechanism to capture this wonderful energy source, convert it into electricity, and share it through our power grids. And we will, of course, need to decide how to compensate all the women who will be sharing this energy "resources" with the rest of us.

But I am not expecting that any of these situations will prove to be an unsolvable problem.

After all, the federal government has invested hundreds of millions into algae and solar power and wind energy companies. Most of them have not moved beyond the research and development stages, and many have gone bankrupt because they couldn't bring a viable product into the market place at an affordable price.

So we just need the government agencies involved to divert the funds they are already spending away from these failed experiments and put them toward the development of the energy source of tomorrow.

Given the enthusiasm that Washington has shown for algae, I'm sure they will jump at this new, and better, opportunity.

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Peg Luksik is the Chairman of the Center for American Heritage. Learn more about the heritage of this exceptional nation at www.centerforamericanheritage.com

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Pope Benedict XVI's Prayer Intentions for January 2013
General Intention: The Faith of Christians. That in this Year of Faith Christians may deepen their knowledge of the mystery of Christ and witness joyfully to the gift of faith in him.
Missionary Intention: Middle Eastern Christians. That the Christian communities of the Middle East, often discriminated against, may receive from the Holy Spirit the strength of fidelity and perseverance.

Keywords: Algae, environmentalism, energy, hot flashes, menopause, Peg Luksik

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1 - 10 of 13 Comments

JoAnn
1 year ago
Judy: You're welcome. I'm assuming you saw the articles. What did you think? God bless.
Judy
1 year ago
JoAnn: Thanks! Cherish Today...
Inesita
1 year ago
Is this article a joke?
Jacqui
1 year ago
Don't you complainers recognize SATIRE when you see it?
Do you not have a sense of humor?
Do you not realize that if we don't laugh once in a while over our important current crisis we will surely burst from stress?
Rob
1 year ago
I just don't understand articles like this. Sure, investigate what appear to be problems in government programs, but it's small minded thinking like this that will ensure that nothing happens. It's almost as if we are ignorant of history when it comes to the government's role in energy development in this country. And for someone to be so outraged about government expeditures, why no outrage about subsidies for a mature, extremely profitable industry? There is no doubt these other countries will leave us in the dust when it comes to finding new energy sources. Crazy environmentalist and tunnel vision right wingers are two sides of SAME coin. Absolutely no vision or real concern for the situation.
Fr Bill
1 year ago
Many women that I meet suddenly have that reaction. Perhaps i could be a roving ambassador promoting this alternative.
JoAnn
1 year ago
Vance-Judy-Theresa H and all my friends on this board: There are two articles in "theblaze.com" I think you all may be interested in. One of the articles is entitled - Twitter suspends account of group that created viral "If I wanted America to fail" video during Earth Day - you have got to see this video. The other article is entitled - Bank of America Allegedly drops McMillan Gun Company for "political" reasons. Obama and his minions at work again. God bless.
David Carlon
1 year ago
Snide propaganda on behalf of the dinosaur oil industry... the Brazilians, Chinese and Indians are emerging as developers of the new energy paradigm... the Brazilians are already 100% energy independent.
Anita
1 year ago
Dear Peg,

You are smart, honest and witty. Not only can I relate to this article on so many levels, it brought me a few much needed giggles. Thank you and God Bless you!

Anita
anonymous
1 year ago
DOE BIOMASS PROGRAM AND ALGAE RESEARCHERS NEED TO BE INVESTIGATED!

Solydra story is opening a huge can of worms at the DOE LOAN GURANTEE LOAN PROGRAM. Its not just about the Solar loan guarantee program. Look at all the millions in fees collected by the DOE LOAN GUARANTEE PROGRAM with algae projects less than 20% completed. An audit needs to be done on all DOE Biomass Program Grants to algae researchers.

The US taxpayer has spent over $2.5 billion dollars over the last 50 years on algae research. To date, nothing has been commercialized by any algae researcher.

The REAL question is: Does the DOE BIOMASS PROGRAM really want the US off of foreign oil or do they want to continue funding more grants for algae research to keep algae researchers employed at universities for another 50 years?

In business, you are not given 50 years to research anything. The problem is in the Congressional Mandate that says the DOE can only use taxpayer monies on algae research, NOT algae production in the US. So far, algae research has not got the US off of foreign oil for the last 50 years!

A Concerned Taxpayer

ARPA-E halts algae project, citing missed milestones
Jim Lane | February 16, 2012
Share"In Washington, the DOE has halted a research project at Iowa State University funded by ARPA-E to develop biofuel feedstock from an aquatic micro-organism for failing to reach research milestones. About 56% of the $4.4 million grant was used. Politicians against increasing APRA-E funding as proposed by President Obama’s new budget are using it and other halted ARPA-E projects as examples to reject the program."

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